Children, Teens and Grief
Supporting Young People Through Loss and Difficult Times
Understanding Grief in Children and Teens
Grief is a natural response to loss, but children and teenagers experience and express grief differently than adults. Understanding how young people process grief is essential for providing appropriate support during difficult times.
Whether dealing with the death of a loved one, divorce, moving, or other significant losses, children and teens need age-appropriate support and resources to help them navigate their emotions and develop healthy coping skills.
How Children and Teens Express Grief
Young Children (Ages 3-6)
- • May not understand the permanence of death
- • Express grief through play, regression, or behavioral changes
- • May ask the same questions repeatedly
- • Need simple, honest explanations
School-Age Children (Ages 7-11)
- • Begin to understand death as permanent
- • May worry about their own mortality or that of others
- • Often curious about what happens after death
- • May experience physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches
Teenagers (Ages 12-18)
- • Understand death intellectually but may struggle emotionally
- • May become withdrawn or engage in risk-taking behaviors
- • Often prefer support from peers over adults
- • May question previously held beliefs about life and death
How to Support a Grieving Child or Teen
Do:
- ✓ Be honest and use clear, simple language
- ✓ Encourage them to express their feelings
- ✓ Maintain familiar routines when possible
- ✓ Share your own appropriate emotions
- ✓ Be patient with repeated questions
- ✓ Seek professional help if needed
Don't:
- × Use euphemisms like "went to sleep forever"
- × Tell them to "be strong" or not to cry
- × Make major changes immediately
- × Avoid talking about the deceased
- × Rush the grieving process
- × Hide your own grief completely
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider professional grief counseling if the child or teen shows:
- • Persistent sleep problems
- • Significant decline in school performance
- • Withdrawal from friends and activities
- • Persistent behavioral problems
- • Excessive worry about death
- • Talk of wanting to die
- • Inability to function normally after 3-6 months
- • Substance abuse (in teens)
Grief Support Resources
National Center for Grieving Children & Families
Resources and support for grieving children and families
dougy.orgCoalition to Support Grieving Students
Educational resources for supporting grieving students
grievingstudents.orgChildren's Grief Education Association
Training and resources for supporting grieving children
cgea.orgRecommended Books by Age Group
Ages 3-6
- • "The Goodbye Book" by Todd Parr
- • "The Memory Box" by Joanna Rowland
- • "When Dinosaurs Die" by Laurie Krasny Brown
- • "The Invisible String" by Patrice Karst
Ages 7-11
- • "The Grief Recovery Handbook for Kids" by Russell Friedman
- • "Bridge to Terabithia" by Katherine Paterson
- • "Mick Harte Was Here" by Barbara Park
- • "The Next Place" by Warren Hanson
Ages 12-18
- • "Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers" by Earl Grollman
- • "The Grieving Teen" by Helen Fitzgerald
- • "Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins" by Enid Traisman
- • "Teen Grief Relief" by Heidi Horsley
Kathy Howard
College & Career Counselor
Supporting Your Child Through Grief
Remember that grief is a natural process, and with proper support, children and teens can develop healthy coping skills and resilience.